Sister Zaynah

As salaam Alikum Wa Rahmatuallah Wa Barakatuh,
Dearest Brothers and sisters, let me tell you my story.
My conversion to Islam was long overdue, I started learning about Islam from about the age of 15, but I only took my Shahadah when I was 25 years old.
I had always had an interest in Religion as I believe that it helped me become less ignorant towards people, and more tolerant towards people of different races. Although at that time I thought I was well in tune with my birth religion, I was starting to feel more drawn to Islam, not just because of the religious teachings but also for the Political and social aspects as well. I was lucky at that time as I had a lot of friends that were also Muslim so I received a lot of Dawah from them.
I had decided that I was going to do a project for my sociology GCSE on Malcolm X, I read his autobiography which I really connected with. (Incidentally I passed my Sociology GCSE with an A grade because of my project).
As time went on, I was starting to learn more and more about Islam, and if I am honest, I knew then that it was the right path for me but I let my ignorance get the better of me. I should have taken my Shahadah then but tried to justify it to myself that if Allah (SWT) had wanted me to become muslim he would have made me one from birth. I later learned from reading that “Muslim” actually means to be born in submission of god, so technically we are all born muslims.
I went on to college where I let Jahilah control my life, I was out drinking, smoking, clubbing and generally just acted like a kuffar, but deep down I always did question myself was I any happier?
The answer NO I wasn’t. Anyway, even throughout college some of my closest and reliable friends were muslim, and where I came from it was almost unheard of that Sikhs and muslims would even hang out together let alone be good friends. At this point I became very confused spiritually.
I looked into other religions as I wanted more from my life but I was scared because I came from a sikh family and it is unheard of that a sikh would convert to Islam. I read about Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism and Sikhism, I still felt that I was not getting the answers I needed that Islam was giving me. At this point I became very lonely, as I felt I didn’t belong anywhere. I knew I should have taken my shahadah but I didn’t. I couldn’t be with my friends being a Jahil and I couldn’t be with my friends that were practicing Islam.
I decided to become Agnostic. I did however change my lifestyle, I stopped drinking, I stopped eating haram. I finished my relationship with my boyfriend (who was muslim). My way of dressing had never been a problem because I had never been one to show to much flesh. I thought this is it. I am happy (well that’s what I tried to convince myself). I thought my life would be easier I had given up all the wrong things and my family were happy as well.
But deep down I wasn’t. I use to think about all the major events and milestones that had taken place so far in my life, and at every point I either was thinking of becoming muslim or my muslim friends were connected to it in some way. Then one year a very dear friend of mine was killed while out in Cambodia (she was doing voluntary work there).
She was also Sikh but wanted to become Muslim, we had planned to take our Shahadah together and move in together as we both knew that our families were not going to accept our decision.
I was very upset, and one night in February I was particularly upset when I saw a bright, white light come beaming through my curtains, I fell down in Sajdah and I recited my Kalma, and that was it I WAS A MUSLIM!
I started doing my salah 5 times a day I felt so much better for it. I can never explain how good I feel after my salah. I told my parents the truth as the pressure was on for marriage, and as I expected they have disowned me, but Inshallah they will come around one day.
I now live with my sister who incidentally is also muslim Mashallah for 8 years now. I don’t view Islam as a religion but a way of life. I am still only in the learning stages but Inshallah I will get there. I feel truly blessed that Allah (swt) persevered with me, and blessed me with the strength to become part of his deen.
To other brothers and sisters who are thinking of coming on deen, please don’t leave it that long and suffer the mental anguish I did for 10 years, and don’t fear your family or duniya for you know what you are doing is right, and Inshallah the rewards will not only be paid here but also in the afterlife.
JazakaAllah Khair