Steps to Handle Criticism
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.”
What do you fear in your everyday life? One common answer would probably be to be criticized. To stand there and hear those words streaming out of someone’s mouth and feel stupid or feel rejected or like you are getting smaller and smaller.
Sometimes criticism can be too harsh and nasty. That part isn’t can be hurtful. But it is a part of life if you want to live your life your way. There is no magical protection from being hurt or feeling pain but these tips can help you to better handle criticism and sometimes to get something good out of it.
Don’t reply right away.
It is very easy to become riled up, angry or defensive when you receive some criticism. This is not a good position to be in to fire away a reply if you don’t want to wind up making the situation worse.
Rather work on keeping your self-esteem high. And to lash back at the critics or to not be the better person here can really hurt your self-esteem. It might feel good for a while to do so but it is a dirty high that comes with a hangover of feeling worse about yourself and subtle or not so subtle self-destructiveness.
So this is about your own well-being to a high degree. And try never to reply back right away. Instead look closer at the criticisms. If you receive criticism in real life try to at least take a couple of deep breaths to cool down just a bit and to feel more balanced before you reply.
Really listen to the criticism
Instead of attacking the other person for his or her words and building a hostile atmosphere try to calm it down. Try to remain level-headed, open and figure out how this message can help you.
Ask yourself questions like:
Can I learn something from this piece of criticism? Maybe there is something here that I do not want to hear but that could help me to improve?
Remember: the criticism isn’t always about you.
Some criticism is certainly helpful. Some isn’t that helpful or just simply attacks. What should you do then?
Well, remember that criticism isn’t always about you. It would be nice if all criticism one gets comes from level-headed place. But in reality people will have a bad day or week. Some will hate some part of their life. Some might not be all that well at this moment.
So they lash out at you to release pent up negative emotions. On your blog or maybe in school or at work. It’s not fun. But it happens.
To lessen the sting of this criticism or these attacks try to be understanding. Think that based on the message you got – often really angry or overly critical about some pretty minor thing – this person isn’t feeling too good right now and is overreacting or need to release some pent up emotions.
By understanding of this it becomes easier to just let such criticisms go instead of feeling bad or becoming angry too.
Reply or let go.
If you reply then try one or a few follow up questions if you think that could help you. And even when someone blurts out something not too constructive like “Your work/blog/product isn’t very good” you might want to ask a few open-ended questions to get more constructive information.
What part of it did you not like or did you not find helpful?
How can I improve it?
While replying to a critical comment try to keep your attitude positive and kind no matter what they have written. Thank him or her for what he or she wrote. You may add a question or two to get more clarification.
Sometimes it is better get back a much more level-headed reply where they actually help you to improve what you are doing and although you may still feel a bit hurt it also feels good to be the better person in this situation and to create a constructive conversation.
If they won’t answer your questions then they are probably just lashing out. And so it is time to let go.
Don’t reply to all the criticisms though. You have more interesting things to focus on.
Keep your daily balance.
This isn’t a step to handle one specific email, phone call or critical message. But it becomes a whole lot easier to handle criticism if you stay balanced in your daily life. Those messages seem to not be as hurtful, they don’t affect you as much or sometimes just roll off your back like water on a duck when you:
Work in a relaxed way. Extra stress makes you more susceptible to the negative messages and to overreacting to criticism.
Manage the 3 fundamentals. That means to eat properly, to get enough sleep and to work out a couple of times a week. Keeping the balance of your physical fundamentals make you mentally stronger too.
Keep the self-esteem up. Criticism can send you down a spiral of self-loathing and feeling lousy about yourself. Keeping the stress down and the energy-giving fundamentals up can help you to not wind up in such dark places. Keeping your own self-esteem up is also vital. A couple of basic things that will help you to do so is to behave in way where you do the right thing (like being the better person when replying to a critical email) as best you can, to appreciate yourself, your good traits and accomplishments and to forgive yourself instead of beating yourself up about stuff or holding yourself to impossible standards.