Nerve Lock – Msf Sadib

It was a bizarre drizzling day. The sun was hiding somewhere; like my mind was ushered by melancholy thoughts. How often does it rain on your birthday? I don’t know how to answer that. Thoughts start rounds of applause at the sheer wit of my utmost clueless blank notion. A 6-inch screen was my eyes curiosity. Not that the screen was my way of wonderness; it was rather what will be visible on that screen. The heavenly sound of text sound “ting”…. Ahh wasn’t I that eager to hear it following the message. But hence it still hasn’t arrived. I averted my glued eyes from the screen. Nature was showing it’s washing motions. Every being was drenched except us human being running away; giving the rain our angry wrath not to wet our clothes… Somewhere in my mind I was visualizing the environment leaking out it’s year long filths. Fading away now with the drooling aqua of spindles. My eyes yet again started to get synchronized with my sombre mind. I was expecting the expected yet somehow now it’s taking the turn to an unexpected acceptation. Why isn’t the screen showing what I’m expecting. Time won’t stop ticking. Running wild with the beating heart. I muse on the past now that the rain has stopped and shimmering everything under it’s nostalgic zone. I closed my eyes……. It was nothing unusual at least not to my knowledge. like any Bangladeshi guy I had a restriction going on for me from her mother’s side. Haah I was thinking of mere suspense all the past generations Bengali guys had faced and was wondering along if it was the same thing for them that they were also expecting the same birthday wish on some gloomy day. Heck fortunate they would be because it scars one like nothing else. I was feeling the urge to tell her that my mind’s started twisting like falling in a vortex. I opened my eyes. Nothing new. like the world is now on a standstill and leaving me behind to an unknown feeling of dissonant. The pang was now delusional enough to stab me with churn feeling. I was hoping nothing else other than the “ting” sound. The minutes and hours all were now in a line. Luring me away bit by bit. I wanted to focus on the rain drenched portrait laid ahead of me. what happened is that gust thrilled me. Brought me down on my final thoughts that I’m finally in an emotional lockdown. I wanted my brirthday wish not because it was my birthday but because I wanted to hear from her so badly that it aches. I was stranded in my transient noding and bobbing my head to shake off the feeling. I don’t wanna drown in all these hypnotic thoughts of vacuum sombreness. I don’t think I can think. This mood, this time…. this everything is crumbling down to hear or to seek words for the sake of my birthday. Hoping that it would be enough to persuade her to push a wish for me. My nerves are not letting me have any sensation let alone a thought. Even if she doesn’t remember it really doesn’t matter. I wish she’d at least say, “Sorry I forgot”. But wouldn’t it would be too much to ask for? Must be very lovely to hear from her again. Lost being not lost. Definition being forbidden for that emotion. Emotion so pure that there’s no such thing as last. Even if she forgets how come it would be that much of supremacy that it breaks my nerve locks as I would look up my hopes through the pristine 6-inch screen again and again and again…