Toxic Friends Not Wanted – Fahmida Mehreen
Life is a journey. Numerous times Allah, the Almighty, has referred to life as a temporary journey on this earth, meaning to return to Him after a certain span of worldly life. “Then did you think that We created you in vain and that to Us you would not be returned? Therefore, exalted be God, the Sovereign, the Truth; no deity is there save Him, Lord of the Supreme Throne.” [Al Quran; 23:115-116]. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has mentioned ample times that “Be on this earth like a stranger or traveler.”
Therefore, when you come to think of life as a whole, we can see how little time we have on this earth. Yet, within this short time there is so much we have to do. We grow up, we need education, good jobs that bring us halal rizq, find a suitable life partner and get settled with a family, have children and raise them in the most righteous manner, take good care of our old parents just like they have taken care of us when we were children, and so much more. Besides these regular actions, comes the acts of worship with the motion of pleasing the Almighty and getting His supreme guidance and forgiveness, such as the compulsory prayers, additional prayers and supplications like Tahajjud, giving Zakat correctly along with extra charity, going to the House of Allah i.e. Holy Kaaba and the Mosque of the Prophet i.e. Masjib Al Nawabi for the purpose of Hajj and Umrah, spreading the Deen i.e. light of Islam among the mankind, and working on own spiritual uprightness so that we are prepared to face our Lord when we shall have to.
Now, in the jumble-bumble of life, everything does not appear as easy as it is said or expected. There are always challenges that will break our morals and make us feel that it is the end of the world. But apparently it is not. Life moves on and time does not stop for anyone. So, to keep moving while carrying the burden of trials and worries, there are certain things that we need to realize for ourselves so that we can ease our difficulties and not make it worse.
We must remember that every person we know in our lives are not who we need. Not everyone wants the best for us. Not everyone will stand by us at times of crisis. Hence, we need to let go of those people. Frankly speaking, people who cannot encourage us to do well in life, who cannot be supportive at hard times, who we cannot rely on, and who for their own sake uses us as a muse, are toxic to our lives. And it is of utmost importance that we get rid of them.
As I have seen in my own life and in the lives of my close ones, some people who we know as friends, colleagues, or close acquaintances take advantage of our good gestures and take our humbleness for granted. To get some sort of benefit from us, they will show sham care and affection which will make us feeble towards them, and we shall feel that it is required that we help them or serve them in a way they want us to. But unfortunately, once the job gets done, their color changes like reptiles. They will treat us in the worst the possible ways – ignore us, speak ill of us, falsify our characters, or maybe even more. This is something unbearable and very agonizing for a soul who assists other people unconditionally and with an honest intention, only with the mere expectation of being appreciated or, at the least, be acknowledged. But the world is a bitter place and at times, even asking for this little can be a lot to ask for.
There are also people who gloats a lot about themselves and their personal state of being just to make you feel miserable about yourself and make you think of your shortcomings only, rather than reminding you of all the goddesses that you possess. They sugarcoat their miseries to glorify yours. Psychologist says that much often these are the people who are very discontent with their personal lives and try to deny their problems by making a fuss out of others’ hitches. This is an unhealthy escape mechanism that is coming at the cost of another person’s emotional circumstances.
Thus, putting it straightforwardly – we do not need these deceitful sympathizers in our lives. If one can genuinely help us, appreciate us even if it is just as little as a pinch of salt, and be our true companion, that will be rather more beneficial to us than having a dozen of damaging and venomous mates in life.
Friendship is a wonderful bond shared between two or more persons, and the most beautiful part of it is that anyone can be anyone’s friend – a mother and a daughter, a father and a son, two brothers, two sisters, cousins, classmates, coworkers, etc. This is a much-sanctified relationship which should never be distorted or misrepresented. Truthfulness and honesty are prerequisites for this relationship. If instead, dire self-obsession and unpleasant belittling sneaks in and corrupts the relationship, it is beyond important that ties be cut off with such intoxicating “buddies”.
It is very important for a person to have a sound mental health and be psychologically resilient in order to combat the odds of life. Anything that will bring in negative energies should be shut out before it is too late and have caused irreparable damages. Henceforward, I, as an individual who has faced her share of complications and is yet walking on the rough edges of life, would like to request you all that, please, get rid of the people who are hurting you. Do not need to think what others will think if you unfriend them. Think about yourself, because you matter. Everything else will follow once you are doing well enough for yourself.
Wish you all, the very best in life.
May Allah help us lead a righteous life with good companions and unite us in Heaven.