October 9th By Tanbina Siddiqui

The irritating morning alarm disturbed my precious sleep but the seasonal rain boosted it up again. The sky was cold and grey and is very mysterious as if a dangerous storm was about to come and change the entire nature and me in some way.
There is nothing better than sleeping under the warm blanket on such a cold rainy day but my request to bunk school got denied by my mother. I was living my ordinary daily routine, but the extraordinary weather kept on being gloomy and cloudy followed by thunder and heavy rain. Mother Nature was distracting me from class. The sound was penetrating my heart like an arrow calling me towards it for relaxation of the soul.
At the end of my third period, I was told to go home due to some family emergencies. My happiness faded away as the notice read from “Early leave” to “family issues”. My brain couldn’t stop thinking of every possible event that might have happened in my family. I wouldn’t wait to bust the mystery that was eating my head up.
After the longest drive of my life, I finally reached home. Everything was there, everyone was there still there was something new and unknown to me. Something that didn’t feel right. I knew something was wrong. Instantly I reached out to my mother and her watery eyes said a lot more than I had imagined. She started whipping holding me tight as never before. I knew she wasn’t in the state of talking but I had to know what was wrong, I HAD to! My aunt pulled me away from my mother and gave me the worst news of my entire life. A news that my heart didn’t want to accept, something that I can’t even dare to imagine. My dad had a bad car accident while he was driving to a nearby orphanage to donate just like every week. He was admitted to the hospital and was in extremely dangerous conditions.
My ears burned and eyes burned when I heard the news. I was shocked and shaken badly from head to toe. I don’t believe it but I knew it’s the truth. We rushed to the hospital but I couldn’t see my dad as he was inside the emergency room. The doctor explained that his brain was badly injured and he had a huge amount of blood loss which will be difficult to overcome in such a short period. As hours passed by different people came to visit my dad. I haven’t seen so many concerned people like this before around my dad. The hospital hallway was filled with howl of cries full of sadness and pain. The wave of grief filled the air like a toxic gas which made it hard for me to breathe in so I ran out of the hospital for some fresh air and to examine my own emotions. I gathered myself like a broken puzzle with a lot of effort and believed in the creator to save us.
As I was walking through the corridor of the hall, my heart felt heavy as never before. All the pale faces stared at me with their pitiful eyes which told me everything I didn’t want to believe, I didn’t want to hear, I didn’t know how to accept.
I went inside the room and saw my dad laying in the bed. His bright face was not smiling at me anymore. His hands didn’t reach out for my head to bless me. But he was there all numb and strangely silent. I looked at him with confusion and pain, placing my hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat. My warm hands got cold above his cold stone body. Still believing that he will wake up and give me his wonderful smile like always. I called him out to wake up. I kept calling him as loud as I could but he didn’t respond. I stared at him constantly, hoping to see a little ray of hope.
I was sitting right beside my dad holding his cold numb hands and constantly staring at him. As we reached home, I saw an array of a crowd like never before. I have never seen so many people at our house ever. It was difficult to accommodate everyone in one place. Everyone was there just to see one glace of my dad. Everyone was crying and talking about my dad, giving courage to my mother and me to be strong. I wouldn’t hear a word; I wasn’t feeling anything. I felt dead from inside. I felt as if I had no emotions, I have no feelings, I am not alive. The feeling of loss was strong, the feeling of pain was strong. It was hard to believe and it was hard to accept.
All the religious rituals were followed, everything was ready for the final goodbye. I have always hated goodbyes and now I had another strong reason to hate it more. Whenever my dad left, he used to hug and kiss my forehead but today he didn’t, he couldn’t. I know he would have if he could. I know he would have stopped my mother from crying her heart out, only if he was here with us. My head was blank as a white paper. And I felt black dark scary clouds around me. It was raining a bit little when we reached the graveyard. My dad’s last destination was prepared and he was given back to nature.
All my emotions decided to flood out with the last amount of earth. All my blood dropping to my feet leading me to a state where self-control didn’t exist. Accepting the reality was scary and needed all my strength and courage. I fell to my knees feeling extremely broken and hard to live but I knew I had to be strong for my mother. Weakness was not an option anymore; acceptation was all we could do. Looking for the light in the darkness of life was hard but not impossible. The fear of losing is harmfully dangerous for the mind that has to be defected by oneself.