A wish -Khadiza Binte Mostafiz
A white ceiling. I’m staring at it. After all there’s nothing else for me to do. It hurts. My body hurts so much. It’s really painful. I want to get out. It’s been so long that I haven’t seen the sky. This white empty ceiling of this hospital is so boring. The smell around here is killing me. I’ll be taken to the operation theatre after some time. I want to go to college again. I wonder what my friends are doing right now. I’m missing them so much.
“Zahra dear, why are you crying? Where does it hurt? Come on, tell me dear! Or perhaps are you hungry? Do you want to eat something? Do you want some juice?”
“Mother! I want to go to college again. Please take me there ! Mother please!”
“I will dear ! I will take u there. Just after you get okay again. I promise I’ll take you there.”
“Mother stop! You are lying! Everyone is lying to me. “
“No honey. I’m not lying. Trust me I’ll..”
“No nononononononono “
“Zahra please, dear !calm down!”
“No. I won’t. Why won’t you tell me why I’m here? What has happened to me? Why does it hurt so much? Why do you always cry after talking to the doctor? Why is Father so upset?”
“No dear, it’s really nothing serious. It’s just a small disease that’s all. You’re going to be just fine.”
“If It’s just a small disease, If it’s nothing serious then why am i in this hospital days after days? Mother, we don’t have all that money. We are not that rich. Then why are you & father spending so much money after this sickness of mine? It’s nothing serious so I’ll probably be okay if I rest in home for some days. Please, I don’t want to be here.”
Ah Mother is crying again. This time she is crying in front of me. She probably doesn’t know how to answer this question of mine. I know. She was lying. Everyone is lying to me. Something serious has happened to me. That’s why I’m here in this hospital.
“Mother! Oh I made u cry. I’m so sorry, my dear mother. You are right, mother. I’m going to be just fine. It’s nothing to be worried about. Please smile, mother! I won’t ever cry like that again. Now will you bring me some orange juice? I want some juice, mother!!”, saying that, I looked her in the eyes, smiling brightly. Hoping that my fake smile will heal her heart.
“Sure dear, wait a little”, mother said while wiping her eyes.
“Thank youuuuu mother. LOVE YOU!!!!!!”
“Haha, I love you too Zahra. Now lie on your bed & rest.”
Mother finally smiled. Ah It’s a relief. I’m such an idiot. I won’t start crying like that again. I’ll smile! And I won’t let mother and father cry too. I’m going to die anyway. So, with the time I have in my hand I’ll make my parents happy. I have so many regrets. If I had been a good girl, if I had just taken better care of myself then this would have never happened. I would’ve been in college now. On holidays I would’ve gone to a park with mother, father &Zaid brother. If I could just go back to past and fix everything. If I could just do that then father wouldn’t be upset now, mother wouldn’t be crying. Zaid brother wouldn’t be so worried now. All these regrets, I wish I could erase them but there’s just no way to do that. I wish that existed. A……
“A time machine!!”
“A time machine??!!??”
“No no nothing brother! I didn’t see you coming.Assalaamualaikum!” I say while being embarrassed.
“Hahawaalaikumassalaam my little sister. I see now you are thinking about a way to create a time machine,huh?”
“Noooooo I’m not”, oh this is so embarrassing.
“Yes, you are Hahaha!”
“No. I’m not. Brother stop teasing me! mother !!Zaid brother is teasing me!”
“Hey hey wait!! Stop! What are you doing, Zahra? mother will scold me! Stop it my sweet, dear sister”
“You should just get scolded” I say while smirking
“You are too evil, hahahahahahaha” Brother started laughing.
“Eh,Why are you laughing?”
“I’m not getting it. What’s so funny? Heeeeeyy??”
“I’m happy. I’m really happy.”
“Why?” I stared at him being confused.
“I’m happy because you didn’t change. You are just like before. My little naughty sister. Don’t let this stupid sickness beat you. You have to fight with it & you have to win. You have to win it for me! For mother & father. You’ll do it, right? You’ll win, right? Come on, promise me!”
Just after brother said that without giving me any time to answer him,he hugged me. I didn’t notice it at first, tears started over flowing from my eyes. I promised to myself that i wouldn’t cry but i couldn’t keep the promise. I’m now in my brother’s arm. He is holding me so gently, with so much love & care. I want him to hold me like that forever. I want time to stop right now. So that i can forever be with my big brother like this.
“Mhm, what is it?”
“When did you last took a bath? You kinda stink.”
“Really??” He looked at me. Haha he is so embarrassed that his face has turned completely red. Yess, I’ve got my revenge on him for teasing me.
“No, I was just joking. You smell okay.”
“Hahahahahahahahahaha,aww brother you look so cute when you get embarrassed like that.” I burst in laughter.
“You little….. You are so in trouble now”
“Hehehehehe” I laughed and I forgot my pain as though it never existed.
“What’s up with all the noise? Zahra?Zaid?”
“Oh mother!!! You just missed something epic”, I say while laughing.
“No, she didn’t”, brother said.
“Haha,okay whatever. Zahra, i got juice for you.”
“Oh orange juice! I love it! Thank you, mother. I wish I could eat some oranges before the operation. I really feel like eating some”
“Is that so?Then I’ll call your father right now and I’ll tell him to bring some oranges with him. Wait,I’m……….”
“Assalaamualaikum, How’s your health, Zahra? Does it hurt too much?”
“Father!!!!” I exclaimed with joy. “No. Father. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. And I’m not scared about the operation. I’m okay, father.”
“I’m glad,Alhamdulillah” father said
“Oh now this is a problem”, mother looked worried. “You are already here. Who will buy oranges for Zahra?”
“Mother,It’s okay. I don’t need any”, I said while smiling.
“I’ll go buy some”
“Brother, you?” I looked at brother.
“Yeah, me. I’ll be fast. Wait a little for me. I’ll go and buy some for you. You are my one and only little sister and I’ll try to fulfill this wish of yours”.
“Thank you, brother”
“Okay,I’m going now. Assalaamualaikum”
“Don’t be late”. Mom said.
“Yeah!” Brother answered.
When brother was leaving, he gave me a big bright smile. It was the most beautiful smile in the whole world. I forgot all the pain. I forgot all of my fears. And I wasn’t scared anymore. Mother, father and Zaid brother they are right beside me. No matter what kind of serious sickness i have, Allah will cure it for sure. I’m going be okay again.
Brother is so late. The operation will start soon. I’m feeling scared again. Where is he?!?
I woke up three days after the operation. It was successful. After some days of rest the doctors will release me from the hospital. But there’s something wrong. Brother wasn’t there in the hospital. When i asked my parents about him, they said that he had an important appointment with an important person. So, he couldn’t be here.At that time, I got so angry hearing that.
“Who is this important person?because of him brother couldn’t come to hospital to see me”. I mumbled to myself.
“what is it, Zahra?”
“Where is my brother?? It’s been more than a week that I don’t see him.”
“I…I told u just yesterday. Your brother went to abroad”.
“Then call him. I want to talk to him. How could he just went to another country without even telling me. I won’t forgive him”.
Just saying that she left my room. Mother looked pale. I don’t understand anything. Why would brother leave like that? Why does Mother and father always looks so pale? I have so many questions piled up inside me. What’s happening? Why won’t anyone tell me? Just what is everyone hiding from me??
They told me. After two months. But I wish they hadn’t tell this to me. I wish they would just keep lying to me like before. Knowing the truth hurts so much. What is better? The truth that hurts or the lie that makes one smile? I don’t know the answer. All I know is,my dear brother Zaid died in an accident. In his left hand there was a bag. A bag filled with oranges.
Khadiza Binte Mostafiz is a student of Tamirul Millat Female Kamil Madrasah, Dhaka