I Had a Quest Within Darrick Abdul-hakim
My name is Darrick Abdul-hakim. I am a 20-year-old Muslim brother living in the United States. I currently attend Cupertino University, which wont be for long since I am transferring to a University that suits my major in more malaise. I major in Old Hebraic and Arabian Literature and History. Semitic Literature is the fancy name for it.
I converted to Islam on Oct 12, 2001 during Isha Prayer. So far I must say, the Islamic quest has been nothing less than indispensable. There is nothing novel about my conversion, but it’s an interesting one at that.
I grew up as a Christian who knew a good deal of information. I was very excited to express my Christian belief to my friends, co-workers and colleagues. However, at the age of 17, life became a bit more complicated than before. I began to observe my fellow Christians in more depth. I was shocked how most didn’t practice the Christian faith to 100% expectation.
To make matters worse, I became increasingly dissatisfied with the Biblical scriptures. For example, the belief that Jesus claimed to be god was a church addition. Jesus certainly never asserted that he was the God of the world.
I tried to save my faith in Jesus, but, It was time to go, I needed a more realistic understanding to the world. So, I prayed to Jesus, trying to see if there still lies an answer. But, as time went on, I began to notice that the Church life was not it.
I wondered if I would retract into Jesus, though, that never happened. So, from then on I left the Christian life and bid it farewell. Not only that, but also my faith and belief in God, slipped quietly out the door. I was now an agnostic, not knowing what faith to follow, or knowing if we are surrounded by God or not, I was just lost in a chaotic world. I wasn’t an atheist, I was just confused about who, or what God really was.
Things didn’t pick up. Immediately following my rejection of the faith and church, my grandma died past away. If I didn’t question life before, I certainly did now. I began to have thoughts about the Universe whether we are really humans at all. I began to ask why I should remain moral (I refused to drink because I felt it was a sin, interesting for someone who didn’t have a faith or believed in a God).
As things tolled in that life would never return to it’s former state, I began to question my own existence. I began to contemplate whether I should be here or not. I had serious thoughts of suicide. I wanted to quit my job because I was coming under stress, unfortunately for me, life just began, and I was only 18.
Alhamdulilah, I had the comfort of friends to keep me from committing such a catastrophe. But, I was still without a faith, life couldn’t get much better from my end, and I still didn’t know how to cope with my grandmother’s death.
Eventually, I began to read for myself. I ran across a book, which was discussing the world’s faiths, and I came across Islam. I simply never had given Islam the thought at all. Immediately following that, I was on my way to work when I saw a man with the Quran in his hand.
I asked him if I could see it, Alhamduliah, he didn’t let me see it, he gave it to me.
I was stunned, excited, and compelled. I went to read it and was amazed by its literature; the things I didn’t notice before struck me. It was comprehensible, and lucid for the layperson like myself. Although, recent events would make me more interested in Islam than before.
On September 11th, I saw the world trade centers go crashing down. I wondered to myself, be that Islam. Could it be, that the peaceful faith be this bad?
But, as the more I read, the more I found out that Islam was separate from such characteristics. Islam by all means is peace. We certainly wouldn’t judge Christianity by the barbaric abortion clinic bombings, or we wouldn’t describe Judaism as an ethnic faith that just wants a Jewish world from the Israeli who assassinated the Israeli prime minister in 1995 because he felt the Prime minister was an apostate of God.
Why must we do the same to Islam?
But, 9/11 impelled me to learn more about Islam. I bought and read a total of 10 biographies on Muhammad (saw). I was amazed by his life. I didn’t look at Muhammad from a Christian perspective, but from a Historical, Political and cultural understanding. Fortunately, for me, I was so happy with the life and understanding of Islam, I decided to convert. I converted by the conviction of Islam’s authentic. I was on a quest for the faith, and I found it. Alhamdulilah.
Now, after my conversion, I have read an infinite amount of books on Islam. I still am currently engaged in Biographies of Prophet Muhammad (saw). But, life is much better. I was now in a faith, I believed in God, and life got better.